Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My New Tattoos!

Sup Howdy Bloggerythmics!

Now I've always been a huge fan of tattoos. They look super hot on chicks, and super cool on guys - if done right. Of course no amount of detail, good coloring, or placement can save a tattoo done in poor taste. Fortunately the tattoos at hand got taste coming outta their ass like they were the dish that just won Iron Chef.

Again, I've always wanted tattoos... but I wanted to make sure they really meant something to me, and would always remain dear to my heart. I wanted something that touched upon my many cultures, my life experiences, who my family and friends are, and ultimately who I am - not to mention what I'm about. It's been a long time coming, as I've wanted them since middle school. I've spent decades pondering these issues and trying to find the perfect tattoo design(s). If you don't know what you want, you're not ready to get a tattoo!

That's why I'm proud to announce that I finally popped my ink cherry and got some wicked sick tattoos. Note: My skin looks really white, pasty, and untanned in these photos - fear not, I don't have that Michael Jackson skin disease where you keep getting whiter. It's just the really strong lighting that make it appear that way. I mean there were so many paparazzi there with so many flash bulbs I felt like white fireworks were going off in the room.

And now, TADA! On to the pictures!

(Front)

Ka-Blamo! What's the coolest thing on earth? ICE!! That's why they call me Mr. Cool Ice. It has to say Mr. Cool Ice, cuz if it just said Mr. Cool you'd be like ok but thats kind of boring. Also Snoopy did some shit like that and I gotta 110% original, bitch. And if it just said Mr. Ice, you'd be like what's that? Do you pave snowy driveways? Dip your balls in my beverage to make it cold and refreshing? "Mr. Cool AS Ice" would just be a little too long, and too grammatically correct... which is quite the opposite of cool.

Now, of course the skeleton and many skulls with sunglasses also scream COOL ICE! Of course they do silly goose, that's the point! Why are there cracks in the skeleton man's skull? I dunno, maybe hes so cool that he's starting crack, htf should I know, wanna fight about it? And then it says ICE everywhere in case you forgot JUST HOW COOL I am.

Not enough sunglassed skulls for your taste? Worry not, my sweet little enchiladas... I also had them tat another one on the tip of my johnson. It's pretty awesome, now it's like I have a 2" battering ram with a cool-guy skull at the end. For good measure, I tatted sunglasses over my balls as well.

(Back)


Now you're probably like, "Holy Shit, I jizzed in my pants at the mere sight of your frontal ink and you got work done on the back too? Fuck, that looks so bad ass I just shat AND pissed myself at the same time in a whirlwind of envy!" You might also be like, "No, it can't be... coolness overload!" Yea that's right... those are sunglasses tatted on the back of my head. Cuz every cool guy worth his popularity in salt wears sunglasses in the back when he needs a quick boost in awesome-points... but only the baddest of the ass (yea I said baddest of the ass) can wear sunglasses MADE OF INK!

I feel kind of sorry for Kumar in the background getting some ink done. You can probably tell by the look on his face what he's thinking. He was saying, "FUCK ME! Why did I have to start getting inked AFTER I saw your design!?!?! I should have waited so I could have tattoos as bad ass as yours!" I don't blame him, but the porno / hentai version of the Vishnu he ended up getting on his back was all right too, I guess.

Anyways, I'm excited to have been able to share my awesome new tattoos with you all! I gotta go now though, Rite Aid wants to talk to me about my interest in some kind of possible advertising work in their frozen section, whatever that's about.

-Nak signing out, I mean... Mr. COOL ICE!!! Meltin' on outta here!!! Aaahahahahahahahahahaha. I'm so fuckin awesome it hurts.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Complain Train - Kiss My Caboose

So I've been on the complain train lately, with my latest post about how the Spork is gettin no love. Well come on ride it, c'mon ride the train. Today I'm going to talk about someone who has fallen off the face of the earth, but never deserved to be on it in the first place. I hope he ended on the ass of the earth in fact, and by the look of it, his face may very well be the ass of the earth.

I'm talking about Mickey Fucking Avalon. I mean, for fuck's sake... I don't even know what to say. I've heard multiple women talk about this guy being hot, and it's kind of gross. I mean, here:



If ingrown hairs and body and face acne turn you on, I guess I can see it... But if you ask me that's just fucking nasty.

I mean, if you can genuinely be turned on by the thought of looking down between your legs and seeing this guy down there, well congratulations. You probably already had crabs and the clap, now you have Herpes too. But that probably also turns you on.


Hi, I'm "Domestic Abuse Raggedy Anne" and I want to give you an STD cocktail!

On top of that, he has a song called "My Dick"... I won't go into anymore detail than to say the lyrics of the song are about -10% true. I remember seeing this Boost mobile commercial with some real hip-hop artists in it - Jermaine Dupri and Young Jeezy, and then all of the sudden they bring in Mickey Fucking Avalon as if he fits the gangster rapper mold. To top it off, he looks gayer and more non-hip-hop than anyone ever could have made him look if they were actually trying. It was really something else. Here's the video:



Oh, hold on someone is knocking at the door.


(Hello Satan... oh sorry Mickey... I... thought you were someone else)
Hey guys, look... I gotta go. There's someone at the door and he's mad. He's also wearing makeup, smells of B.O., has dirty long red hair, has no shirt on to hide his feminine torso, and is wearing tight jeans sagged down to his worm. I'll catch up with you guys later.

I Ain't a Hater Like You, So Bow Down to a Utensil That's Greater Than You

You know, I feel like there's a bigtime underground player out there that doesn't get the love and respect he deserves. Once a major player on the field, topping the charts, piling up the stats, being talked about at the water cooler and in social circles amongst the youth. It's time to revive this bad boy from the dead...

You're probably thinking you know where I'm going,
You: "oh yea man, Tupac been down for years."
Nak: "Nawwww son."
You: "Aww shii... Notorious B.I.G.!"
Nak: "Naw duuu... I'm talking bout the mothafuckin' SPORK bitch."

That's right, the spork. You know everybody who was ANYBODY was eating their lunch with a spork back in elementary and middle school. All those zealous campers who wanted the power of two utensils in one sleek, shiny, can't-fuck-with-me utensil knew what was up.

If you aren't in the know with the spork, first slap yourself in the face. No harder, you deserve worse for your ignorance. OK, now educate yourself bitches:
Da' SPORK

Do I need to draw you a picture? Here...
(P.S. Pay no attention to the sausage-fingered toolbox who is holding the spork. He probably doesn't even deserve to hold a spork, but there's nothing I can do to stop him because I don't know wtf he is, the picture has already been taken, and he may be halfway to Germany by now for all I know. Just give it up, OK? It's too late now)


In conclusion, the spork is poised to run the mothafuckin' game from here on out. So fuck non-spork utensils as a staff, record-label, AND as a muthafuckin' crew... and if you wanna be down with non-spork utensils, fuck you too. Regular fork... fuck you too... Spoon and knife, fuck you too... fuck all yall muthafuckaz... my 44 make sure all yo' utensils dont grow. You motherfuckers cant be us or see us. We fucking thug spork riders, spork-side till we die!

Él Fín.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Pulse

_X_ Alive
___ Dead