Actor / Model (And Not The Other Way Around)

Sup Howdy Kentucky Fried Chikadeez,

Now for the few of you have been reading my blog since 2004, you know that I took home male model of the year three times, being unseated by Chastel back in '02... Well I just want you to know that just because I haven't been consistently dropping blogs over Baghdad doesn't mean I stopped being really, really, ridiculously good looking. I didn't stop posing in front of shuttering cameras either. I have however started prancing about in front of rolling cameras (The ones with the actual hand crank on the side because I'm talking such low budget flicks here that I was getting paid in food stamps and tic-tacs).

I have to go to the bathroom right now, but I'd love to continue talking about this conversation when I get back
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Ok I'm back. I thought I'd share my latest work with you guys. I recently had shoulder surgery, so I wasn't able to do any sports or action shoots after that, but I was still able to find work.

Here is my first appearance in an action motion picture. I did it at the end of 2007, just before my shoulder surgery, so I could do my own stunts (and super wicked dance moves).

It was a Made-For-TV, B-list knockoff of Ocean's Eleven, filmed by Director Beto Juarez Estavez III.



They originally had pegged Antonio Banderas as their first choice but they couldn't get him. I ended up with the gig after their 32nd choice fell through and I begged them to give me the work cuz I needed the money to feed my addiction to faberge eggs.

It is also worth noting that Edward James Olmos, Selma Hayek, John Leguizamo, Wilmer Valderrama and Danny Trejo all were contacted to audition, but threatened to sue if their names were, in any way shape or form, tied to the making of this film... except John Leguizamo. He came in and auditioned and begged for a role as badly as I did, but he was told he "wasn't what they were looking for". I felt bad for him, so I bought him some beers at the local Tijuana donkey show and we've been carnales ever since.


This one was called Pepé's Cinco... (The premise is that Pepé couldn't afford 11 like Danny Ocean could, so he was gonna try to do the job with just 5). The others were part of his gardening business, but also had skills conducive to heisting, plotting, robbing, and shenanigans in general.

In this movie Pepé assembles a ragtag group of con-artists/jardineros to rob El Banco De Mejico...



Here are Pepé's supporting cast in his bank heist (L to R)-

Gustavo, "the accountant". Gustavo is good with numbers and his precision is used to calculate the intricate timing used to rob the bank - from the time the '88 nissan pickup rolls up to the bank and the crew jumps out from beneath the decoy gardening equipment to the time the cast tries to outrun the federales.

El Nak Dulce, the sweet talking con-man. Nak Dulce sweet talks the bank tellers into tours of the money vault, the cigar humidors and the room where they make all the useless trinkets that are sold on the street flea-markets of Tijuana and Rosarito. He also creates distractions later on in the plot by catching the eye of a flaming gay security guard with ballet not unlike that seen in the nutcracker, but also breakdancing reminiscent of Electric Boogaloo 2.

Suk Mi, "El Chino Cochino". Mr. Mi is a ruthless organized crime ring-leader, who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty to get the job done. Mr. Mi supplies most of the arsenal and also sets up the explosives used to blow open the door to the Peso repository. Also, for some reason Mr. Mi appears to be chinese or something, despite being "101% Mexican" as he states in the film.

Raindeer Wolfram, Digital Systems Expert. Raindeer is responsible for overriding the computer systems and security cameras (which at El Banco de Mejico is merely a webcam attached to an old Apple II E. For some reason, in a number of scenes, the Apple II E is used by El Presidente to play 'Oregon Trail' when it's not being used for security purposes)



Enter Pepé. Standing tall at 5'4" the fearless gardener syncs fake rolex's with his team and the mission begins.

El Presidente del Banco, the evil "Diablo Larco" then tries to thwart Pepé's plans.
He calls in his bodyguards and while Raindeer is busy cutting the power to the building, Nak Dulce and Suk Mi break into song and dance to distract the hired goons. The performance by this powerful duo is one to draw envy from such hits as High-School-Musical. Below is a shot from the dance scene that puts all Bollywood movies to shame.



The film starts out as a serious bank-robbing action thriller, but quickly degrades into a slapstick comedy. Shortly thereafter a guy in a bee-suit steals the show and before you know it the movie is over. As it turns out, that guy ended up getting most of the royalties... son of a bitch.

I'm gonna get you Rigoberto... I swear. I'll find you, hunt you down, and take what is rightfully mine...

But I digress. It's really a great flick, you should check it out sometime... However, you'd have to drive across the border because none of the American stations would pick it up... not even FOX.

Sí you next time. Alrato!