No More Riding the Bus to the Old Member's Only™ Warehouse

Hola my Wesley Willis' - what's crackin? What's crackalackin? What's Lackacrackin? ... good day to you, sirs... How have you been since my last post?

Well that was... more of a rhetorical question, but...
I'm sorry to hear that and I'm sure that it's just like ... a temporary heat rash or something and will go away soon. Just to be safe though, you should tell that girl from the bar last night about it so you're on the same page there.

Anyway, I have wonderful news for all my fans. No longer does the Nak have to take public transportation to his photo shoots! You got that right. Next time a homeless guy is caught masturbating on the Metro bus, I won't be there to see it. By saving up the money I've made from 310 Photography, doing catalog work, fashion runway work, my latest motion picture appearance in Pepé's Cinco (and NOT gay porn), I was able to buy a new car.

Here's a poor quality picture of it. It's in poor lighting, is a bit grainy and looks like it was edited with Mattel's version of "My First Photoshop" or something, but hey... at least it's not gay porn.


You can see more about them here. I got the 3.5 SE

Perhaps now I can draw the attention of young women at shopping malls and such... instead of only drawing the attention of old hispanic men on the freeway on-ramp, who look like my grandpa but with a bushy mustache and are trying to sell me oranges, or roses, or oranges and roses, unless they're all sold out - in which case they are trying to sell me colorful rugs with old Looney Toones® characters on them.

Anyways I'm so excited about it that I thought I would share. Once I paint some decals and graphics on there - like a moon-walking Michael Jackson, a full-color Sonic the Hedgehog, some corporate logos (like the ads on those NASCAR rides), gay porn starring Mickey Avalon (because that's what he's all about), pink flames, my face in technicolor, and an airbrushed lesbian sex-scene on the hood - I'll be ready to hit the streets and some mailboxes and light-poles (cuz I'm half asian).

If you don't see another blog post from me by no later than Friday... just wait longer. See you next time.

310 PHOTOGRAPHY (dot com)

By now you should know that I'm a male model and that I do my little thing on the catwalk... if you don't, then you haven't been reading my blog at all, or ever, not even once, and you should die a horrible horrible death. If you have, then please kill that asshole next to you that I was referring to in the previous sentence, then read on.

Today I'm blogging in a karate outfit. That's called a "gi" if you are just too ignant and don't know. Or maybe you just choose not to know because you hate "Orientals" and their slanty eyes, dragging feet, large spoiler adorned rice-rockets, thousands of fluffy stuffed animals often found smashed up against the rear windows of said rice-rockets, daily SAT study classes, Tag Heuer watches, dishwashers that are only used for drying dishes, anime, chopsticks, lychee flavored candies and jellies, boba, tiger balm, korean dramas, karaoke, bowl cuts / feathered hair / red highlights, hello kitty, cell-phone charms, long bangs, peace signs in pictures, etc.

... If that's the case then you're racist and I being an asian, and associating with all of those things, am offended. But that is neither here nor there.

The point of this post is to introduce you, my readership base, to 310 photography. All 3 of you.

310 Photography is the new hotness, ruining more young women's panties than TigerBeat and I felt obliged to let you know. Forged in the hot coals of the old members only warehouse, it was founded by the top male models of the millenium - Chastel and The Nak™.

Here is a photo of them from a photo Op from a recent movie they shot together -



Yea it's kind of a gay picture, but this IS male modeling we're talking about here. Such artistry cannot be defined, confined, or restricted by the shackles of discrete sexuality or narrow mindedness. Women want them and men want to be them... and uhhh, dogs and cats and other pets want them to be their masters.

While I'm hardly ever serious, I am serious when I say that this is a quality shindig and 310 is very into what they do. Now I wouldn't believe anything the nak says without some fact-checking either, but you can check out some sample work at the website (it will be up soon if you just visited it immediately after this blog was posted and it was under construction) -

310 PHOTOGRAPHY - Serving the South Bay and the Globe

You can find them on ModelMayhem also, if you want.
Model Mayhem

Thanks for visiting and come back soon!

Also feel free to email any nude, risque photos of yourself to nak@310photography.com.

I'm just kidding... unless you're gonna do it.

Actor / Model (And Not The Other Way Around)

Sup Howdy Kentucky Fried Chikadeez,

Now for the few of you have been reading my blog since 2004, you know that I took home male model of the year three times, being unseated by Chastel back in '02... Well I just want you to know that just because I haven't been consistently dropping blogs over Baghdad doesn't mean I stopped being really, really, ridiculously good looking. I didn't stop posing in front of shuttering cameras either. I have however started prancing about in front of rolling cameras (The ones with the actual hand crank on the side because I'm talking such low budget flicks here that I was getting paid in food stamps and tic-tacs).

I have to go to the bathroom right now, but I'd love to continue talking about this conversation when I get back
...
Ok I'm back. I thought I'd share my latest work with you guys. I recently had shoulder surgery, so I wasn't able to do any sports or action shoots after that, but I was still able to find work.

Here is my first appearance in an action motion picture. I did it at the end of 2007, just before my shoulder surgery, so I could do my own stunts (and super wicked dance moves).

It was a Made-For-TV, B-list knockoff of Ocean's Eleven, filmed by Director Beto Juarez Estavez III.



They originally had pegged Antonio Banderas as their first choice but they couldn't get him. I ended up with the gig after their 32nd choice fell through and I begged them to give me the work cuz I needed the money to feed my addiction to faberge eggs.

It is also worth noting that Edward James Olmos, Selma Hayek, John Leguizamo, Wilmer Valderrama and Danny Trejo all were contacted to audition, but threatened to sue if their names were, in any way shape or form, tied to the making of this film... except John Leguizamo. He came in and auditioned and begged for a role as badly as I did, but he was told he "wasn't what they were looking for". I felt bad for him, so I bought him some beers at the local Tijuana donkey show and we've been carnales ever since.


This one was called Pepé's Cinco... (The premise is that Pepé couldn't afford 11 like Danny Ocean could, so he was gonna try to do the job with just 5). The others were part of his gardening business, but also had skills conducive to heisting, plotting, robbing, and shenanigans in general.

In this movie Pepé assembles a ragtag group of con-artists/jardineros to rob El Banco De Mejico...



Here are Pepé's supporting cast in his bank heist (L to R)-

Gustavo, "the accountant". Gustavo is good with numbers and his precision is used to calculate the intricate timing used to rob the bank - from the time the '88 nissan pickup rolls up to the bank and the crew jumps out from beneath the decoy gardening equipment to the time the cast tries to outrun the federales.

El Nak Dulce, the sweet talking con-man. Nak Dulce sweet talks the bank tellers into tours of the money vault, the cigar humidors and the room where they make all the useless trinkets that are sold on the street flea-markets of Tijuana and Rosarito. He also creates distractions later on in the plot by catching the eye of a flaming gay security guard with ballet not unlike that seen in the nutcracker, but also breakdancing reminiscent of Electric Boogaloo 2.

Suk Mi, "El Chino Cochino". Mr. Mi is a ruthless organized crime ring-leader, who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty to get the job done. Mr. Mi supplies most of the arsenal and also sets up the explosives used to blow open the door to the Peso repository. Also, for some reason Mr. Mi appears to be chinese or something, despite being "101% Mexican" as he states in the film.

Raindeer Wolfram, Digital Systems Expert. Raindeer is responsible for overriding the computer systems and security cameras (which at El Banco de Mejico is merely a webcam attached to an old Apple II E. For some reason, in a number of scenes, the Apple II E is used by El Presidente to play 'Oregon Trail' when it's not being used for security purposes)



Enter Pepé. Standing tall at 5'4" the fearless gardener syncs fake rolex's with his team and the mission begins.

El Presidente del Banco, the evil "Diablo Larco" then tries to thwart Pepé's plans.
He calls in his bodyguards and while Raindeer is busy cutting the power to the building, Nak Dulce and Suk Mi break into song and dance to distract the hired goons. The performance by this powerful duo is one to draw envy from such hits as High-School-Musical. Below is a shot from the dance scene that puts all Bollywood movies to shame.



The film starts out as a serious bank-robbing action thriller, but quickly degrades into a slapstick comedy. Shortly thereafter a guy in a bee-suit steals the show and before you know it the movie is over. As it turns out, that guy ended up getting most of the royalties... son of a bitch.

I'm gonna get you Rigoberto... I swear. I'll find you, hunt you down, and take what is rightfully mine...

But I digress. It's really a great flick, you should check it out sometime... However, you'd have to drive across the border because none of the American stations would pick it up... not even FOX.

Sí you next time. Alrato!

I <3 New Jersey

People say New Jersey is America's armpit, but I don't think so. I love New Jersey. It's because the people there are so different. We have beaches here, while they just have "the shore" (more frequently pronounced "Da Shoah"). Also because New Jerseyans hate it that people think they either look like Bon Jovi, or Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, even though everyone in New jersey either looks like Bon Jovi, or Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Check out New Jersey's finest here, up in the club.



Now I know what you're thinking, "They all have the same fucking haircut!" Well, that may be true, but that just means they're all that cool. Here's another picture in case you still don't believe.



Another great thing about New Jerseyans is that they love their movies. And I don't mean like, oh I went and saw some movies and they were cool. None of that weak L.A. shit that goes on out here. They LIVE that shit.

Check out these guys who liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so god damned much, that they actually LIVE that shit -








I don't care what you say, nobody on the west coast has the balls to go THAT far to prove their fandom, even if it is a movie intended for a younger audience.

You know, I can't really even do NJ justice, so I think you just need to take it from my buddy who lives there. Here's a video of him... consider it like "A Day in the Life Of" or something.



That's about it. I think by now you realize how every state in America pales in comparison to good ole' Jersey (Joizee). Viva la Brick City!

P.S. I'm pretty sure this guy lives in NJ too -